
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/563886.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Loveless
  Relationship:
      Agatsuma_Soubi/Minami_Ritsu
  Character:
      Minami_Ritsu, Agatsuma_Soubi
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-11-15 Words: 4108
****** A Sunbeam in Winter ******
by Yubari_(aquila_black)
Summary
     Written for the kmeme prompt "ritsu/soubi: Masquerade, gentleness."
     Ritsu dedicates some discretionary time to training his favorite
     student. This story is set a couple of years after Soubi lost his
     ears.
Soubi had thought that Ritsu-sensei smiled easily, considering how cold he was;
how often and remorselessly he hurt people with a few well-chosen words. He was
a violent person who could pass for a peaceful one, because he rarely had to
assert himself more than once. Over the years, Soubi had learned to catch his
mistakes before Ritsu felt the need to call his attention to them. He knew when
not to talk and how to give information concisely. He knew the difference
between when he was being consulted and when he was merely being informed. He'd
learned to want the things Ritsu thought a good fighter should want, even
though Ritsu had never told him what those were. They understood each other,
and because of that, their interaction was seamless. Ritsu taught, Soubi
learned. Ritsu took, Soubi gave. Ritsu disciplined him long after Soubi stopped
being disobedient, because punishment was their context for relating intimately
to each other. It gave Ritsu something to inflict, and Soubi something to
submit to. When they were together, they were as close to whole as a fighter
and a sacrifice who weren't bonded could be. Ritsu never fully accepted that,
or forgave it. After Soubi had experienced the worst in him, survived it, and
stayed ... he'd warmed up to him a little. But it was only in private that
Ritsu gave himself permission to be kind.
Soubi was naked, on all fours in the shower, water dripping off his long hair
and making long, red rivulets as it streamed off his scabbed, bleeding back.
The boy hissed susceptibly and the muscles in his forearms quivered as Ritsu
touched him, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, rubbing the pads of his fingers
gently against the softening clots. He removed the little bits that came off
easily in his hands and left the bigger patches, squeezing them enough to make
them bend and crack and remember how to become healthy skin instead of scar
tissue. He worked slowly, feeling Soubi breathe in deeper as his heartbeat
slowed down. His head bowed a little lower as he relaxed, submitting to his
master's hands. Water streamed off his lips, chin, and the end of his nose, but
he maintained just enough of an angle, just enough tension in his neck to keep
from choking on it.
Soubi's face was changing a little with adolescence, lengthening ... if he'd
looked like his mother before, the resemblance would soon be plain to everyone.
But his big eyes and thick, long eyelashes still made him look much younger
than thirteen; certainly much younger than an earless adult had any right to.
He was so malleable, so eager-to-please, so perfect in all his strength and
weakness. Ritsu had never pictured himself loving anyone, not even a half-
formed child. But it wasn't simple manipulation that kept him here, when the
boy was adequately skilled at treating his own injuries. Ritsu controlled
everything that came within his reach, but not by forming two-way bonds. Not by
caring. People gave him their soul, whether they meant to or not, because his
strength and iron will seduced their pain and brokenness. Without a single
spoken word, it said If you were mine, you would be whole.
But Soubi had wanted more than instruction, direction, and purpose. He'd put
himself completely in Ritsu's hands, and at first, Ritsu had thought this was
because he had no judgment and no choice. He'd told himself Soubi was a child:
weak. Traumatized. Clingy. Easily cowed and more easily frightened. Over time,
though, he'd noticed that Soubi wasn't just in need of a caretaker or an
authority figure. Anyone would not do. The boy gravitated specifically,
explicitly, to him. Which was troublesome, because when Ritsu didn't want to
remember what Soubi's mother looked like, the mere sight of Soubi made him
angry - barely in control of a sense of fury and loss that made him extra
cruel. This was personal. How could it be otherwise, when this child was the
product of a ... which wasn't Soubi's fault. Ritsu didn't care, though. The boy
was his, now, and as Soubi didn't have the sense to stay away from him, he
became more and more a part of Ritsu.
Connecting, the first few times, felt like they'd embraced through a wall of
broken glass. Ritsu had initiated, taking Soubi to the graveyard where his
parents were buried and scaring him witless. But it was Soubi who'd climbed
into bed with him that night, and categorically refused to leave. Any other
adult in the school would have taken pity on him. Any other adult wouldn't have
threatened him with punishments that made his fur frizz out, punishments that
he was already sufficiently acquainted with to be averse to. But that wasn't
enough. Ritsu knew himself too well to believe it, when some part of him
grumbled that he would have found some other way to torment Soubi if he'd
anticipated this outcome. While Soubi was very much pushing the lower limit of
what he'd find sexually appealing, there was some obscure comfort to be found
in his quivering defiance, in his willingness to endure whatever Ritsu saw fit
to do to him, if that meant that he wouldn't be sent away. He was so cute when
he thought he could bargain.
That thought brought Ritsu's attention back to the pliant body making little
sounds every time he touched him. Soubi's mouth was half-open and he was
breathing more shallowly again, a slight flush starting to warm his face. Ritsu
massaged a hand deliberately over the smooth, sensitive skin of his neck,
digging his fingers into the contours of Soubi's muscles, constricting his hand
sensuously around it like a collar. He turned off the water with a decisive
twist of the faucet and for a moment, the only sound was the drip, drip of
droplets finding the path of least resistance, sliding precipitously over
Soubi's naked (and quickly becoming aroused) body. Ritsu removed his hands for
a moment and toweled them dry, letting Soubi feel the loss of contact and the
way the air cooled him, enveloping, uncomfortable. Soubi closed his mouth to
keep from complaining. The small hairs on his arms and legs started to rise as
he got goosebumps.
Despite that, they'd settled into a comfortable silence. Ritsu allowed Soubi a
towel just as he started to shiver. Soubi took it gratefully and patted it over
himself, taking particular care not to rub his wounds. He stepped out and
looked at his sensei, to know if he was supposed to bandage them yet. Ritsu was
well pleased with him, so he gave the boy a fractional nod: go ahead. It had
taken Soubi quite a bit of practice to get the hang of bandaging his ribs
evenly, tight enough that it didn't slip but not so much that the elastic
became restrictive. You wouldn't know that from the way he wound the fabric
around himself now, briskly and correctly. Ritsu watched without comment and
then twitched two fingers towards himself in a silent order: come. During the
(infrequent) school holidays, there was no one to see, so Soubi wrapped the
towel around his waist and followed Ritsu back to his own empty, student room.
It had many books, a shelf of art supplies, and a set of cuffs draped over the
metal headboard of the bed. Otherwise, it could have been anybody's. Soubi
didn't own his space any more than he owned himself. Ritsu, of course, needed
no invitation. He walked right in and leaned on Soubi's writing desk, sparing a
cursory glance for the completed essay on it before turning his attention back
to Soubi.
"You're in no condition to lay on your back tonight," Ritsu said. "I can chain
you down for the duration, or after we finish. What would you prefer?"
Soubi met his eyes. "If I'm not restrained ... can I touch you?"
Ritsu laughed, a low, dark sound in the back of his throat. "That remains to be
seen. For now, just do as you're told. On your belly and spread."
"Understood." It wasn't a standard order, like 'face up' or 'face down,' but
there was something especially graphic about Ritsu's choice of words. Soubi
could feel desire coiling in his stomach as he obeyed. Wanting something to
hold onto, he automatically gripped the bars of the headboard. After a few
seconds, Soubi could feel Ritsu's hands spreading his buttocks. He'd mostly
gotten the hang of unclenching his muscles.
"Relax more," Ritsu said, spreading lubricant over Soubi's hole, "this device
is more unyielding than you're used to."
It was a testament to Soubi's self-discipline that he neither asked 'wait, what
are you going to ...?' nor did he tense up when he felt something hard and
unfamiliar against his ass. Instead, he let out his breath shakily and tried to
comply.
"Good boy." Ritsu murmured. He pushed the buttplug into him slowly, enjoying
the way Soubi's body opened to accommodate it and the almost-moan that Soubi
barely managed to hold in as his muscles fit into the groove at its base,
holding it.
"A-ah," Soubi panted, trying to catch his breath. This felt weird. Even after
having had sex several times ... it still surprised him how a minor change
could make the process feel new and unfamiliar and put butterflies back in his
stomach. Then again, if Soubi was honest, they only time he was truly
notnervous around Ritsu was when the situation was so out of his control that
he could sink into perfect acceptance. When his life or death and everything in
between was in the hands of his master, and nothing he said or did would make a
bit of difference, he was at peace. The rest of the time, he had things to
prove, live up to, and strive for. Like now. It didn't actually hurt. Or
rather, Soubi thought he wouldn't be feeling this slightly overstretched ache
if he'd done a better job relaxing when he was ordered to. He flexed his leg
muscles a little as he tried to get used to the sensation.
"Is there a problem?" Ritsu asked, completely deadpan. He touched the back of
Soubi's balls, running the pads of his fingers over the wrinkled,
hypersensitive skin and moving his knuckles over the smooth expanse between his
balls and the buttplug. As he cupped them, Soubi shook with the effort of
keeping himself from thrashing. A side effect of being physically disciplined,
regularly and systematically, was that things that felt straightforwardly good
could be over-stimulating. It was much easier for Soubi to keep still when he
was being punished or used than when he was being pleasured.
"I ... nngh," Soubi moaned, clenching his teeth together to try and regain some
coherence, "please, isn't there ... suh-something I can. Do for ... ?" He
couldn't finish.
Ritsu, however, had a pretty good idea of where that thought was going.
"Something you can do for me? Aren't you enjoying this?"
Soubi nodded helplessly, half-lidded eyes ablaze with lust. "I am ... but. Not
supposed to be ... don't deserve ..."
"Hm. Last I checked, I determine what you do and don't deserve," Ritsu said.
Soubi's head dropped against his pillow for the moment. Sweat beaded on his
brow. Toes curling against the bed, he stammered, "Y-you ... like?"
Ritsu smiled and stroked Soubi between his legs. "Yes."
Soubi's whole body stiffened as Ritsu's hand brushed against his erection.
"Letting yourself be caressed is difficult, but you're adapting. I expect fewer
signs of discomfort next time. For now, I want you on your side. Move closer to
the wall and face this way." Ritsu said. "And ... hands free."
Soubi scooted immediately, but awkwardly, his erection protesting the lack of
contact and the fact that he had to close his legs and move. It didn't actually
put any distance between him and Ritsu, because Ritsu laid down next to him,
putting a towel down in the space between their hips. The bed sank a little
under his weight, in such a way that Soubi had to bend his legs more to keep
from rolling towards him. Soubi took in the proximity, the size of him up
close, and ragged want intensified in him. With each passing moment, not being
touched and not having permission to reach out to him became more excruciating.
He stared at the bulge in Ritsu's pants in the silence, and then made himself
not look. Soubi knew very well that you could violate someone's boundaries with
nothing more than the hungry, lewd intensity in your gaze. But when he pulled
them back to Ritsu's face, the corners of his sensei's mouth twitched upwards.
"Given the circumstances, that's appropriate, but unless you want to invite sex
... take care where you let your eyes linger. I'm going to keep touching you,"
Ritsu said, in a sensual voice that sent shivers down Soubi's spine. Then he
lowered it. "While I do that, I want you to try to bring me off with your
hands."
Soubi startled a little as Ritsu put his fingers against Soubi's mouth, but he
opened it obediently for him and licked, wetting his hand up to the knuckles.
Soubi managed to undo the button on Ritsu's pants and lower the zipper as Ritsu
slid his hand in and out, over Soubi's warm tongue, past the sensitive place
where his throat used to catch on things and make him gag. Soubi fumbled with
his underwear and Ritsu obligingly removed it. He had prominent hipbones ...
the part of Soubi that was training himself to draw bodies registered that,
even as he reached tentatively for Ritsu's mostly-hard cock. The skin there was
incredibly soft. Like a secret. Like flower petals. Ritsu hissed lightly,
sucking air between his teeth as Soubi touched him, and settled a spit-slicked
hand around Soubi's erection. He squeezed, almost painfully, traced wet lines
up and down its length, and then started pumping it rhythmically in and out.
Ritsu's voice was thick with lust when he spoke, but perfectly steady. "You're
going to ejaculate on command. Tell me when you're getting close. Do not change
your pace or remove your hands."
"Understood," Soubi said, glad that he could convey his obedience in a word
short enough that the obscene noises Ritsu's attentions were wringing out of
his body didn't interrupt it. He was grudgingly impressed that his sensei
managed to string complete sentences together while being jerked off. Jealous
of his self-discipline ... but impressed. Having something wet and warm fucking
his cock felt like the most amazing physical sensation in the world. It took
all his willpower to keep his attention on trying to get as much of a response
out of Ritsu as possible. He didn't know when he'd get another chance like
this. Maybe if he was good enough at it, though, it wouldn't just be a lesson
to master and set aside. There were a few things they did together just because
Ritsu liked them, and Soubi wanted to be pressed close.
The slide of skin on skin, fabric moving against sheets, and the sound of
breathing filled the room. Soubi's muscles clenched unpredictably around the
thing inside him, heightening his arousal. The tendons stood out a little on
Ritsu's neck as Soubi moved his hand up and down his cock. He had a relatively
even grip, but hadn't quite lost the tentativeness of someone who was new at
this, the tendency to push down a little with one finger or another and
overcompensate when he realized by relaxing it. Most of the clever things Soubi
had learned to apply to his spells intuitively carried over to the way he tried
to do anything unfamiliar, but sex was emotional for him, somehow. Soubi didn't
have his usual detachment, though the determination to do well and improve
quickly was there. Ritsu suspected that, to the extent that he didn't push him,
Soubi would willingly drag this out. And it was delicate, because while he had
to remove all trace of ineptness from this fighter, part of Soubi's charm lay
in his ability to touch exactly like this, with reverence; with the
concentrated attention and humility of someone who didn't have a set procedure
to follow. They would have to keep that.
Soubi made a plaintive sound in the back of his throat. "I'm ah-bout ten
seconds away from-" He clenched his teeth together as Ritsu slowed down.
"Hold yourself back," Ritsu said, without remorse.
"I. Nngh ..." Soubi groaned. He dug his heel into the bed as his body demanded
exactly the opposite of what he was getting, and somehow managed not to buck
his hips.
"That's an order," Ritsu added.
Soubi nodded, panting softly, and clenched his teeth together as Ritsu pressed
a finger, hard, against the underside of his erection, to illustrate the point.
It hurt momentarily. Although being closely controlled made Soubi that much
more excited than he'd been a moment ago, letting go was somehow more do-able.
He also saw, with tense satisfaction, that he was managing to keep his hands
mostly steady and their rhythm constant. He'd been telling himself to do that,
but more and more, it felt like his body listened to Ritsu directly. He'd lost
track, for a moment, of what he was supposed to be doing. But he hadn't stopped
doing it. That was right. Conversely, paying unnecessary attention to himself
when he was being used wasn't. Soubi refocused on Ritsu-sensei. Ritsu's breath
hitched as Soubi's heightened presence changed the quality of the touch, from
mechanical to deliberate.
Ritsu pressed his upper lip against his teeth with his tongue and ran the hand
that wasn't jerking Soubi off through the boy's silken hair, before jamming it
under Soubi's ribs to feel the cuts on his back, right through the bandages.
Soubi obligingly supported his weight on his hip and shoulder, while Ritsu
settled it a little under his heartbeat. Magical energy pulsed under and
through his hand.
Soubi was about to ask if he should try to send power through his touch, as
well, before realizing it had filtered into every part of him and was already
making a complete circuit through them both. Every one of his wounds drank it
in, and every millimeter of unbroken skin hummed with it. And then another
sensation hit him, very hard. He was extremely grateful that Ritsu had slowed
down, because like this, he was barely keeping himself from coming. "I'm
barely" - haa - "managing to ... not ..." Soubi stammered.
Ritsu locked eyes with him. "Beg me for permission," he said.
Soubi looked at him in confusion, unsure if he'd get in more trouble for
disobeying or for obeying. When in doubt, obedience was generally ... "please,"
he said, the word only leaving his mouth with great effort, "I ... can't resist
you." But more wouldn't come out. I want was impossible, shameful. He couldn't
try to convince his master to indulge him. This body existed to be used. As
uncomfortable and frustrating as it would be to not be allowed to come, when he
was this aroused, it wouldn't break him. It wasn't important. So all he really
wanted was - "show me how best to obey you, please."
Ritsu's hand on Soubi's erection stopped moving altogether. "I just told you to
beg for release."
"I don't think ... I can," Soubi said, wretchedly.
Ritsu's expression was like ice. "Then you don't have permission." He started
pumping his hand back and forth, deliberately, over Soubi's cock.
Soubi whacked his head violently against his pillow, wishing it was something
much more unforgiving. Something he could hurt himself against.
"The parts of you that I haven't specifically engaged will be still," Ritsu
said.
Soubi momentarily experienced the claustrophobic sensation of being trapped in
his own body, as the option of moving was taken away from him. He stilled,
fighting panic. Options, he thought, what are my options? They were few, and
organized themselves in his mind immediately. I can talk. I can keep pleasuring
him. I can ... oh. Soubi opened his mouth. "I w..." Self-loathing slammed into
him. He was overcome with hatred at the idea of a fighter that would have the
gall to say, to his master's face, "I want." It was unforgivable. It could not
exist. And as that went through him, Soubi could feel himself start to go soft.
Despite being as excited as he'd ever been, and despite being stimulated in a
way that had been driving him crazy five seconds before, he wasn't about to
come now. A strange light shone in his eyes as he started to speak again, but
Ritsu cut him off.
"Stop. You are not the rightful target of what you just felt. I forbid you to
turn that against yourself." Ritsu said.
Some orders, Soubi enforced. Others felt like steel chains around his neck. And
this one ... felt oddly like protection. Soubi realized his hands had just
stopped, and started moving them back and forth again with a start, but Ritsu
immediately removed them. "Was that bad?" Soubi wanted to know.
Ritsu shook his head a little. "You did well. Open your legs at the knee."
As Soubi complied, Ritsu put one of his legs between them, licked his own
fingers slowly, and wrapped his wet hand around Soubi's half-hard cock.
"You've never been safe with me. But I was there when you lost everything, and
I hold you back when you're three words away from breaking yourself." Ritsu
leaned in closer. "No more words for you, until we finish. Instead, tell me:
how does it feel, to know that you're loved? Use sounds. Use yourself." He
whispered, and his words sent a thoroughly manipulated, sensual shudder down
Soubi's spine.
Soubi mmhed and showed his neck and whined like a puppy, and then tried to
censor an obscene moan, until Ritsu slapped him lightly on the jaw. He panted
and licked dry lips, and grabbed onto the sheets hard, because he didn't have
anything to grab onto. His legs flexed around Ritsu's and he bucked his hips a
little into his hand before a feeling like ice water pooling in his stomach
overcame him. He gauged the fondness in Ritsu's eyes and took a risk, reaching
a hand out in his direction with an imploring look, and found himself crushed
against his sensei, hurting and uncomfortable and incredibly aroused. They
never quite fit together, but it was so close. If you just didn't care about
the pain it was perfect. Soubi remembered, all of a sudden, his instructions
from before and inflected a question into his voice.
Ritsu angled Soubi's erection down into the towel, and said "go ahead," still
hugging the boy close.
Soubi thought he was never going to stop coming. It was the most intense orgasm
he'd ever had, like a star expanding deep in his body, and growing until 'his
body' didn't mean anything at all. Didn't limit him. It was a conduit for
pleasure, making him feel until he didn't understand how feeling more was
possible, and didn't care. Ritsu-sensei wanted him like this, half dead from
ecstasy, and he was.
Ritsu watched him - the wonder, the pleasure, the vulnerability that tore
through him. This thing he could reward Soubi with when he deigned to, because
Soubi relinquished all control to him, was sublime. Training someone who
deserved the effort Ritsu put into him, though, who was insatiable,
intelligent, talented, and desperately malleable, was even better. It was his
soul that Ritsu was proud to own, and his soul that Ritsu could stand to lay in
bed, holding this body for, while the boy filtered back down to self-awareness.
Soubi winced a little as Ritsu cleaned him off with the towel, and groaned in
pain as he extricated the buttplug. Soubi's body was responding to every little
thing, and moving cost him. He put his arms out submissively and let Ritsu
chain him to the headboard, face down. The bargain, he recalled distantly, to
be immobilized now or later. But all of that was positioning, training ...
half-serious and half-play, because Ritsu did what he wanted with Soubi anyway.
It was hard for Soubi to focus or find words, as Ritsu got his clothes.
Sensei's face was settling into its usual impassivity, though, as if he had to
deal with other people again; other things beyond this secret closeness.
Ritsu turned at the door of the room, saying, "my day is not finished." That
minimal explanation was more than he'd feel he owed anyone else, but it was
just barely enough. He left Soubi alone in the dark.
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